Your story. Is it real?
What if it wasn’t real?
What if it wasn’t actually true?
What if none of it was reality?
What if all of those stories you tell yourself are made-up?
Your crappy job.
Your sh*tty relationship.
Your money issues.
The arguments with your family.
Those friends that drain you.
The body you are ‘dealing’ with.
You are a story teller, you know. Well, actually…you probably don’t know – this is why I am mentioning it now.
You tell yourself stories.
You tell others your versions of stories.
You hear other people’s stories.
You even copy stories from the people around you.
A lot of the stories you tell, are your parents stories (or whoever raised you).
We so desperately want to believe our own sh*t, we even find evidence to support the ‘stories’. Our brains want to be ‘right’.
Consider that for a moment.
What if it wasn’t even real?
Okay, okay, I can hear people saying ‘No, Emma…I really do have a sh*tty job/relationship/insert your thing here…’.
Maybe you do.
Maybe you don’t.
Maybe your sh*tty job is someone else’s dream job. Maybe your sh*tty relationship is someones idea of a ideal relationship. Should I go on?
Am I playing devil’s advocate? Perhaps. Perhaps not. However, if anything I am saying is hitting a nerve…then go with that…yes?
Maybe the story you have built around the ‘thing’ is bigger than the issue. You could have had that song on repeat for a while…yes? It now even ‘feels’ real. It feels massive and is taking over your life.
So what’s the answer?
Well, the way I see it – is create a NEW story. A new story about where you are at right now, versus where you want to be.
Let’s use the job as the example here (as I have been there many times, I’ll consider myself myself an expert on the matter to hand today).
“Oh man, this is sh*t. I can feel the dread in my tummy on a Sunday night…knowing what the week ahead will bring me. This job is sucking my soul dry – it’s against what I believe and what I value. It’s taking my time away from me and my family. I have such a dislike for it, I now wear a mask and no-one really knows how much I hate it…I feel like I have no options. No choice.”
“Yes the job is sucky, yes it feels soul deadening. I acknowledge that. I also acknowledge that this job isn’t for me, it’s against what I believe in. And I forgive myself for doing this. I forgive myself for having to turn up daily. I forgive myself for having to put on my ‘mask’ for self-preservation. Right now, this is how it is. Right now, I need the job to support me and my family. Right now, I forgive ME for all of this. I do have choice. I have choice in the way that I deal with this situation. I have a choice to direct my emotions and energy in what I CAN do instead. I CAN use this job to fund my study/living expenses/whatever, until I am ready to make the change. I CAN focus on what I can do, not what I can’t do. My new story is that everything happens at the right time for the right reasons. I thank myself for being in this position – I am learning daily what I shouldn’t be doing with my life.. I am learning extra patience, compassion and forgiveness. I have choice.”
**Note: this was me. I worked for many, many years in a job that sucked my soul dry and I felt like I had no choice. I felt that this was all I could do and it was incredibly depressing. The whole company’s actions/ethos taught me what NOT to do. I learnt so much about how NOT to run a business and in fact it has helped me since with my own business. I know how to treat people fairly as a result. I have even more compassion and patience with myself and others. I also learnt that I could forgive myself and not beat myself up for decisions that I made about my career.
One incident I remember clearly that made my decision to start my business to have greater flexibility with my family was – My daughter has been in Emergency overnight for stomach pain/vomiting and we got discharged at 2am. I called my boss before 8.30am to tell her that I couldn’t come in as she was still unwell and neither of us had slept. She said ‘You know Emma, sometimes you should have a plan B for situations like these…’. After that phone call, I spent the day working out my exit strategy from my full time job to having a successful business.
18 months later I walked out. In fact, I burnt my bridges too…in case I was tempted to return. (I won’t fill you in on that, but let’s say that I used my exit interview to it’s fullest and was quite brutal).
What skills did I bring to my business (apart from resilience/patience/a new story) ? So, so, so many!! I had asked to do extra internal courses (I was also studying outside of work too) and I got my ‘Train the Trainers’ certification (they paid for it, saving over $5K!). This meant that even to this day I can train at other organisations easily. I partly finished a Diplomas in Financial Services (To be honest I was bored senseless…) and this has meant that I know how to organise my own tax affairs and I know a sh*t load about superannuation/pensions for the future. I used my lunch breaks to read and keep learning/motivated/meditate. I used the money I was being paid to save a little ‘buffer’, plus I had been teaching myself how to build websites on the weekends. Yes it took 18 months to leave but I did it. I reckon knowing what I know now…I could do it in less than 6 months. But I also believe that I had to learn those lessons and the Universe had other plans.
Look, whether it’s a change in career, a crap relationship, debts or you not being friends with your body. You do have the choice to make a new story. A new story will change your life.
P.S If you are need an ‘ear and feedback’ I am running ‘one-off’ 30 min strategy sessions on Tuesday 28th February throughout the day 9am-3pm. These are usually $100 for 30 mins over the phone. But for this day only they are $39! And let me say, what we can achieve in 30 mins will blow your mind! If you are keen, send me a PM and let me know your preferred time between 9-3pm…first in best dressed! Aaaaand GO!
P.P.S This offer is only for people who are ready to take action and need to be called on their BS.