You care

With Emma Queen

You care

To care, you must suffer.

To care, you must do ‘without’.

To care, you must be left out.

To care, to must put everyone else first. Leaving yourself to last.

To care, you must be in pain.

I need to stop writing this. It’s messed up and totally NOT what I believe anymore. It can’t be true. All that pain and suffering to ‘care’?

F*ck that.

I care.
I care so much, that I love myself even more.
I care so much, that I put myself first.
I care so much, that being in pain about it, is no longer an option.

When I am suffering, I am not me.
When I am suffering, I am no use – as I am unclear about what I am doing or even why I am here.
When I am suffering, the people around me suffer too. As they love me and feel for me as-well.

When I am in pain, I am being a victim.

I used to do this ‘victim’ sh*t a lot. In fact, I would even go as far to say that I was a ‘professional victim’ just a few years ago. I would whinge and whine about everything – it was his or hers fault. It was my employers fault. It was the economy’s fault that I couldn’t afford to pay the bills. You get the idea.

I didn’t know that I had a choice in the way I felt. Who knew?

At some point, I realised that my current actions and thoughts were not helping me move forward – nor were they great as a role model for my daughter.

I won’t go into my story on this blog today, however getting yourself out of the victim mentality is doable…and it can take as long as you want it to. Sometimes I still go back there, but usually this is only for a matter of hours not weeks/months now. I recognise my ‘victim’ language and take a step back these days. I am not perfect, you realise.

It’s fascinating that last year I wrote the book ‘The 7 secrets to not giving a sh*t’ – yet these last few months I really have taken that to another level. (I’ll probably add on another bit on the next print run).

Another level of not giving a sh*t? Yep. And in saying that, there is probably another level after that too. How deep does this go? I have no idea, I will let you know as I find them I reckon.

The other level is letting go of the belief that ‘to care’ – you must suffer. Hmmm yes it took me a moment to digest that one too.

It feels archaic that we should head to pain and suffering to show that we care so much. I can remember learning about that awful sh*t back in History class, can’t you?

But what if it didn’t need to be that way? If you have read this far, I am guessing that you are at least curious about this concept – yes?

What if ‘caring’ meant:

That you love yourself even more.
That you put yourself first.
That being in pain about it, is no longer an option.

When you are suffering, you are not being the ‘real’ you.
When you are suffering, you are no use – as you are unclear about what you are doing or even why you are here.
When you are suffering, the people around you suffer too. As they love you and feel for you as-well.

And yes, I have repeated myself there on purpose.

So I guess the question is ‘HOW?’
How do you look after yourself first?

I’ll let you in on a little secret – you already know, my friend.

But if you need a tip before you read my book or work it out for yourself…it’s all about your own personal self-care. And yes, this could be moving and eating well…but it’s also the mind stuff.

Your self talk.

What you language in your head, is what can come true. Change your language – change your life. Try it on for size, why don’t you?

Just tune in to what your mind has said whilst reading this blog.

What is she saying? Can it be true? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Maybe I have been doing the wrong thing all this time – God! Why don’t I know this stuff already? Why didn’t someone teach me this? Where did I learn how to be a victim? No, she can’t be right…can she? Sh*t, I had better get off the internet and go do something/eat something/care for someone. Arrgh this all seems a bit too hard, I’ll come back to it later. Hmmmm I know I probably won’t though…Oh sh*t now she really is in my head!

Imagine (as you have already done previously) that you actually listened and acted upon what you told yourself just then. Well, for one thing, you wouldn’t be reading this part would you?

Your language creates your life. What you tell yourself if what you are. You are what you say you are…remember that from childhood? Well, it’s true. Have a think about it.

So back to caring. Caring so much that you look after YOU first. Because, let’s be obvious – if YOU are not around (mentally and physically) you can’t care even more.

You care. So care for you now. Off you go.

Emma x