The attention

With Emma Queen

The attention

Attention, attention – this blog is about getting attention

To some extent, we are all wired to want attention and validation. So it’s important to understand that some attention-seeking behaviour can be thought of as an understandable need for validation or a cry for help.

For example, most attention-seeking behaviours in children, especially young children, shouldn’t be thought of as unhealthy or manipulative. Some of these behaviours are developmentally appropriate, as children often test boundaries to understand what appropriate behaviour looks like – we all know this, right?


So, as adults, we can do this. Wanting attention from others (more than usual) can be from having low self-esteem or the feelings of not being ‘enough’. And to be clear – that is the pattern I see with my RTT hypnotherapy practice.

Not feeling enough.
Not being lovable enough.
Not being intelligent enough.
Not being attractive enough.

The list does go on.

And what do people do when they feel not enough? For some, they may do the ‘I don’t wanna talk about it…’ post on social media. But yeh – course they do. Others go over the top with what they are doing online or offline to gain their inner self’s attention. Haven’t we all seen this before?

Note: for extreme cases of this, professional help must be sought. E.g. Dramatic personality disorder is a cluster of disorders that will need extra help.


I know we all have met people who are unwell constantly and gain attention from their illnesses. Do they know they are doing it? Mostly not.

How do I know this?

Because this was me.

For many years, I used illnesses as an excuse for attention. Was I genuinely sick? Yes. But on some level, I wanted it. The attention that is.

Again, how do I know this?

Because it’s something, I have been working on for a while. #whatajourney

Yes, even two eye operations that I needed.
Yes, even the bowel operation a few years ago.
Yes, even breaking bones.
Yes, even six weeks of glandular fever the week before my school exams. #greatexcuse

One fascinating one is when I fell off my bike and cracked my head open (age 5) has zero (remembered) feelings of pain. There was a lot of blood, and I was rushed to hospital, so I guess I must have been in pain…but my memories of this event were great! Look at all the attention I got! I even got to show off my stitches at school the following week. My mum remembers it very differently…

I can nearly hear you saying, ‘But, Emma! This is normal kid behaviour, And yes, this is true, but I feel this five-year-old pattern was replicated throughout my life.

And what I do know (after working with so many hypnotherapy/NLP clients) is that patterns are developed under the age of 7. Then carried on for decades! And for the most part, we don’t even bloody realise it.


How every frustrating.

Whilst I won’t go into all the work I have been doing on this, cos’ jeepers there are layers and layers of it!

BUT I will tell you that if a pattern of behaviour is not serving you, you CAN change it.

Yes, even after a few decades.

We all have a choice to change something that isn’t working. Does it require effort and work? Shit yes.

But it’s possible.

For me, this journey is still being worked through – but a conscious awareness that anything I do or say has the question of ‘am I doing this for attention?’ is changing how I show up in the world.

I believe that to inspire and help others, I, too, need to be working on myself simultaneously. Thanks for listening.

Now, my friend – what needs to change?

Emma x