With Emma Queen


Love. (Insights from accidentally watchings MAFS)

Channelling my inner Tina Turner – What’s love got to do with it?

A f*ck tonne, I reckon.

And I am not talking about romantic love here. Although I know, that’s very cool.

I’m talking about love. Full. Stop.

Love your yourself.

In fact, do you even love yourself?

Ok, that might sound like too much. And I know some of you might think that loving yourself is a little egotistical. But, I’m not referring to that.

Cos’ a little bit of love for yourself can go a long way.

A long flippin’ way.

Ok, so do you ‘like’ yourself?

That’s a start.

I know this can sound like a sermon, but unless you love yourself…how can you love others fully?

After finding myself accidentally watching ‘MAFS’ (Married at First Sight) last week, it was evident that some of the participants are FAR from loving themselves. Watching it actually made me sad. Not in a sad-feeling-sorry-for-them way…because that isn’t going to help them. But I was sad – clearly, there were a couple of people who didn’t love themselves, and this meant that they were very self-conscious when meeting their match. Some of the girls thought they were unattractive and were so deep into this belief; it was near painful to watch.

Now, I know this is TV, and yes, I get that they plan this sh*t to drag viewers in – but, this is a perfect example of why they are single and so hesitant to find a love partner.

We allow external past hurts to affect us.
We allow situations to define us.
We allow another persons ‘idea’ of us to slip into our consciousness.
We allow all of this because we are human.

And it’s normal.

But there can be another way.

The first step, I believe, is self-awareness.

Knowing this sh*t is affecting us.

Simple? Yes.
Easy? Nope.

When we don’t like or love ourselves, we can do several things:

* We self-sabotage our successes or other peoples successes
* Our self-talk is negative (or nasty)
* The people around us, or that you attract are not nice people (toxic even)
* We blame ourselves, and there’s guilt in our decisions
* We do too much for others, forsaking ourselves.
* Our boundaries around our time and energy are non-existant
* The fear of rejection is high on our lists – so much, so it stops us in our tracks
* We are self-critical to the point where this can be all-consuming
* We give up very easily – thinking ‘there’s no point even trying.’

Any of this sound familiar? It does for me.

Not that long ago I used to do all these things (and more), and I wasn’t in a good place. I definitely didn’t love myself.

I attracted other people into my life who didn’t like themselves.

Even thinking back, it’s yucky remembering those feelings.
I felt lost.
I felt like there was no other option.
I felt like life was being decided for me.
I was reacting to the situations around me.
I was resentful.

I knew things had to change, but I didn’t know where to start.
So, I went back to something I did as a teenager.

I wrote in a diary.

I wrote out my fears at first.
Then after a while, I thought to myself ‘there’s no harm in writing out my dreams too’. So I did.
After a time, I’d look back at the diary/journal and notice patterns in my life.
I’d notice when I was resentful and what had happened that day.
I noticed the connections and patterns to my thoughts – because now, they were on paper.

This was the start. I started to become self-aware because I could see and read what was going on.

What was interesting was that on the dream side, things started to change — only small things at first.
Like, I would think of something and write it down – then it would appear like magic. I would ‘think’ about someone, and I would hear from them. Weird but true (and you know what I mean, don’t you?)

Slowly but surely it was like I was being awoken from a dream state. This self-awareness sh*t was beyond life-changing.

There were definitely parts of it that hurt so much.
Like the choices, I had made in the past.

Owning and taking responsibility was massive.

Because really, I had created this reality.

And I still do.

But honestly? It started with love for myself. It’s amusing that the t-shirt I am wearing today has ‘love always wins’ on it.

And it does. Love wins.

Love for yourself.
Then love for others.

So, tell me, my friend – what are you doing today to love yourself a bit more?

Emma x

p.s My heart and soul journalling sessions are available now. If you want a head start on creating a life with intention, this is a great starting place. You and I get to spend x 3 journalling sessions together – allowing you to open up and answer your souls calling. Get in touch if you think this is for you.