How does she do it? Confessions of a mum in biz

With Emma Queen

How does she do it? {Confessions of a mum in biz}

I feel guilt.

I feel guilt.

I feel like I could do better.

I feel like I am a failure as a mum.

I know its not just me.

I used to even say that ‘guilt started upon conception’. (Yes I drank a whole bottle of wine the night before I found out I was pregnant).

I used to look at other women – whether it was in business or in any area and wondered how they did it.

How did they even get out of the door on time in the mornings? How did they keep their marriage going? When did they get the time to make those muffins for the kids at school? How was it that their hair looked great and they seemingly had no sleep?

How did they balance all that sh*t and more?

Jeez women can be un-supporting at times. I remember the stares and the silence when I announced to my mums group that I was heading back to work when my baby was 8 weeks old. I never returned, nor did I hear from them again. I even had a pain in my chest for a few weeks everyday as I sat at my desk. Yep more guilt.

Hang on a tick, this guilt thing. It felt awful. It felt like a physical ache in my body. Nope – not good at all.

There was a moment that I realised that I was wasting my time doing all that. I was comparing all the effin’ time (ATF) and it was EXHAUSTING. Lugging all that guilt around was heavy… therefore exhausting too.

So exhausting and I felt inferior when I purchased pre-made cakes at Woolies for cake stalls at school.

So exhausting and I felt bad for being late for school sports as I was with a client. I would watch the other mums with their picnics, flags and words of encouragement. I would feel sick with guilt that I was resentful with having to be there. I even ran away from the small-talk from the other mums as I (felt) that I didn’t have anything to contribute.

So exhausting that I criticised myself continually. Why wasn’t as organised as them? Why wasn’t I as interested in my kids education as much as them? Why did I dread those end of term concerts/dances so much, even though I couldn’t wait to see my darling perform?

So exhausting as I still participated with a smile plastered onto my face.

Until I let go of giving a f***.

I turned up to full days of sports events with the laptop and worked. I watched when my kid participated. I cheered when needed.

I let go of caring and comparing.

I emailed and checked in with clients during the boring bits of the school assembly. WHY the f*** are they soooo long? I have no clue how those kids sit still for so long. Gosh I think that could be another blog – how we are conditioned to follow like sheep…but anyhoo.

I let go of caring about the stares and the tutting’ whilst my phone was out. Yep I was sneaky too, I hid it and my kid had no idea.

I coached clients in the car before school pick up times. I ignored the stares from other mums watching me animated and jumping around seemingly in silence.

I enrolled my kid in ‘before school sports’ to get an extra hour to myself/work with a client. A win/win for both us there.

I still cared as a mum. I just stopped the guilt and the comparing…and how much lighter did I feel? A ridonkulous amount!

And a funny thing happened. I was a better mum for it.

Who knew? All that self-flagulation was unnecessary and a waste of energy.

Do I still get mum guilt? I’d be lying if I said no. I do, but it doesn’t last too long and I practice great self-talk about my parenting and know I am far from perfect. Because really, no-one is perfect hey? That one is a BS story too.

So ladies – let that sh*t go and give less of a f*** about what other people think – do what feels right.

Emma xx