Get the f*ck over yourself
Taken from chapter one of my book ‘Get the f*ck over yourself’ – click here to purchase.
What the heck are you talkin’ about?
“Get over yourself.”
“Are you over it yet?”
“Jeez, why don’t you move past this and get over it?”
“For f*ck’s sake! Get over it!”
“Get. The. F*ck. Over. Yourself.”
Okay, peeps, the fact that you got this book means that you’ve probably said this to yourself at some point… or some version of it at least. Or you could have found yourself saying it to other people – yes, even in your head.
First up – what does “get over yourself” even mean?
How can you actually ‘get over’ yourself? When, in fact, it is your ‘self’ that is in the way?
Is this even possible? And can you get other people in your life to ‘get over’ themselves too?
Gosh, lots of questions huh?
So, let’s start with what some basic definitions of “get over yourself”.
Urban Dictionary’s explanation:
1. Don’t take yourself or your problems too seriously.
2. Stop being so self-centred and conceited.
Okay – this is a perfect explanation. So, let’s run with it.
Why is this shit a problem in the first place?
It will f*ck with your life.
There, I said it. It will!
This kind of sh*t will mess up your future.
This kind of sh*t will mess with your mind.
This kind of sh*t will fuck up your relationships.
This kind of sh*t will stuff up your choices.
STOP RIGHT THERE!
Hang on a flippin’ second… it already has, hasn’t it?
It’s prevented you from playing on a bigger scale.
It’s prevented you from stepping up in life.
It’s prevented you from making decisions from the heart.
It’s prevented you from doing *insert desired action here*.
It’s prevented you from being *insert desired self here*.
The lack of getting over yourself has gotten you to exactly where you are right now.
Think about it.
And where is that, exactly?
Are you happy?
Are you surviving?
Are you smashing life goals?
Where are you? Are you where you thought you’d be at this present moment in your life?
Okay, I get it. You could be feeling a bit low or sad about the choices you have previously made. You are human, and an annoying thing that we tend to do as humans is look back in regret at some (or many) parts of our life.
I am here to tell you:
YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT.
Why? Because I can tell that I have already put you back in that comfortable, but ultimately unhealthy cycle you are so very used to. Easy, wasn’t it?
So easy you barely even noticed what I did there, hey?
It felt normal.
This is what’s called ‘victim’ behaviour. It’s such an easy one to fall into. It’s even easier if you know people around you who are in that pattern too. We mimic the people that brought us up, the shows that we’ve watched, and the people we hang out with. We mimic everything. It’s the way we learn.
Is it good or bad?
I reckon that it is whatever it is. I feel that if we focus on the good or bad, we can go down a deep worm-hole for a long time. I am not so sure that it’s very productive when it comes to moving forward with our lives. Just sayin’.
So, for the most part, I just notice.
Just notice when you go into victim mode.
*Note: if you dislike the word ‘victim’ there could be some belief around this word. Being ‘weak’ or whatever that means… Again, just ‘notice’.
Or maybe being in victim mode is now normal for you.
It was for me – for many years. I didn’t even know that this was a ‘thing’.
I can recall that as a kid growing up, I didn’t feel like I was held back in anyway. I even travelled as a 16 and 17-year-old overseas without my parents. If I wanted to do something, I would just make the decision and go do it. Don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t disobedient. Just free-spirited!
I worked out a way and proceeded forward. This is how I came to travel to Australia, on my own, when I was only 18 years old. My parents were both on low incomes, and I was working from a very young age. Because I could. No-one pushed me to do this. I think I just knew that I had to make decisions for myself. No-one else was going to help me.
However, after some years in an unhappy marriage, I felt like I had lost myself. Looking back, I didn’t even know that this was what was happening. I can only really see it now.
As the marriage got worse, I mimicked the people around me. I played the victim really well. If there were an award for best victim performance by an otherwise rational person, I would have been a great contender for the title!
Why do we do this? Simple – we want to ‘fit in’. When we lose our identity or lose our real ‘self’, we tend to do this more often. Because it’s way easier than working on ourselves. I see all of that now.
Lucky for you, this book will help you cut some corners – and potentially save you years and years of bullshit.
So, I mimicked who I lived with, who I worked with and who I hung out with. The further I lost myself, the more I was playing the victim role. It was so much easier to blame other people for the way I felt. It was so much easier to blame the Government/the banks/the weather or anything else around me for the situation I’d put myself in. It was easy to blame other people for the way I reacted to stressful or problematic situations.
Oh yes, the blame game.
It was easy.
I didn’t know any different.
I would complain about what was happening to the people around me, and they would either do the ‘there-there’ arm pat as I spoke or they would join in. “Me too,” they said. And we would all whinge and whine in harmony.
I won’t lie; this did feel good. It still does feel good. I felt like I wasn’t the only one going through this. I felt like this was ‘normal’. And in a lot of ways, it was.
It was my normal. You don’t know what you don’t know, hey?
So, what changed? In my mind, at some level, I knew that I wasn’t in a good place. I knew that feeling hungover every Saturday morning at my daughter’s swimming lessons was not healthy. I knew that I couldn’t continue with this mindset as I knew my kid would mimic me… and who knows where that would lead?
So, I worked on me. I learnt about myself. I took online courses, watched YouTube videos, and read books in the hope that by working myself out – I could change.
Knowing all of this now, I realise that I just needed to ‘remember’.
It was a ‘light-bulb’ moment! I even remember the street I was walking down while listening to my iPod.
I was listening to a story about a woman who was unwell with various illnesses, and she had had enough of her own whinging. At that stage, I was sick of my own voice and thoughts, so this resonated very strongly with me.
People would ask how I was – I had since ended the marriage and was now in a much better place emotionally and mentally (in comparison anyway), and I would also answer similarly. ‘Oh, not bad’, ‘I’m doing O.K., the usual struggle…’ etc. etc.. But I was sick to my guts of my own inner and outer voice.
And yes, I did have gut issues on a physical level too. But perhaps that story is for another book, as this ended in surgery not long after my revelations.
The ‘light-bulb’ moment occurred when I realised that I didn’t need to talk about this shit all the time. I realised that this shitty talk was unnecessary and not helping me one bit! And by talking about it (and yes, thinking about it too), it was holding me back in life.
I also realised that I was taking the easy way out. I was not taking responsibility for my situation. I was blaming other people for where I was at that moment.
Essentially, this behaviour was not serving me. Nor would it serve my child.
So, I decided at that moment, that if people asked me about how I was going after X, Y or Z, I would answer neutrally and not give the situation any more energy.
Yes, even now I endeavour to not give those situations more energy… that’s why I still label them X, Y or Z.
I also decided that I would take responsibility for my feelings.
No-one ‘made’ me feel a certain way. I did.
I realised that I had the power to choose this! What a revelation!
Who knew?! All this time I thought other people would make me feel sad, happy, angry or desperate. But it was all ME!
The way I was reacting was totally up to me – and what a feeling this was! I felt like I was free! Taking responsibility was a new feeling for me, but if I’m honest, it felt like I was remembering this concept from somewhere in the depths of my mind.
So, when the checkout chick asked me how my day was, I started answering “awesome!” with a massive smile on my face. At first, it felt fake, but after a bit of practice, I started looking forward to opportunities where I could say this (and ultimately, feel this).
There were a few weeks where I didn’t feel like I was speaking much. I felt very quiet. I probably wasn’t, but it felt that way as I was no longer engaging in conversations that involved my situation. I wasn’t giving them any energy and strived to remain as neutral as possible.
This was a bit tricky with some of the people in my life as they were also playing the victim card too. So, after some time I just didn’t hang out with them anymore. They naturally fell away from my life. And I was okay with that.
How did I speak to people? I just took a breath in and out before I spoke – which gave me a few seconds extra to ‘think’ about what I say next.
Taking responsibility for all of this was so incredibly empowering. I felt like I could change the world… and I was right.
My world shifted monumentally!
It literally was like a ‘click’. Everything clicked into place. My thought process shifted into taking total responsibility for my thoughts and therefore my actions.
My relationships changed – yes, including my friends.
My business shifted up a few gears.
My environment changed.
My words changed.
My mind changed.
And suddenly, I realised my whole world had changed.
This was a few years ago now. And do I drop into victim mode these days? Heck yes! I’m not a f*cking robot!
But when I do – I can recognise the signs quite easily – and quickly too. Sometimes it may take seconds, minutes, hours, or days – but very rarely weeks now.
“What are the signs?” I hear you ask.
Well, I’d like to think that we all have our own individual signs, but experience has told me the opposite. We are all pretty much the same – unless you are a sociopath. But I’m also assuming that sociopaths don’t even read stuff like this.
But before I go there, I suggest that you read the rest of this book – otherwise you will think that you have gotten the answers and I won’t be helping you as much as I can.
To read the rest, you gotta read the book!